Dedicated To My fellow Politicians

1. A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.

He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!

He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it.

There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut

2. EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Hang Tuah Fail SPM

Hati-hati Ke DUN Galas

Erm..baru terima email daripada kawan..mai kongsi dengan Buana.!!

Jika anda ingat hanya kuntuman bunga sahaja yang ada maksud disebaliknya, sebenarnya anda silap!!!

Hon kereta pun ada maknanya. Pernah tak masa driving, kadang-kadang kita dengar kereta yang berselisih atau kereta di belakang kita membunyikan hon?

Tahukah anda bahawa setiap bunyi hon itu ada maksud tertentu disebaliknya.

Di bawah ini ialah maksud disebalik bunyi-bunyi hon tersebut . Please take note yer! hehe

? 1 x HON PENDEK - pemandu tu nak cakap “HAI”

? 2 x HON PENDEK - pemandu tu nak cakap “TERIMA KASIH” atau “JUMPA LAGI”

? 3 x HON PENDEK - pemandu tu suruh kenderaan depan tu cepat sikit (biasanya kat traffic light time dah hijau tak reti-reti nak jalan)

? 1 x HON PANJANG - pemandu tu beri amaran kereta lain bahawa diorang memandu secara merbahaya dan hampir menyebabkan kemalangan

? 2 x HON PANJANG - pemandu tu marah “HOI!!!… BODOH XDER OTAK KE”
? 4 X atau lebih HON PENDEK - pemandu tu cakap ;

“TIIILAM! TIIILAM!… TILAM LAMA, TUKAR BARU.. TIIILAAAM!… TIIILAAAAM!”

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am.

" The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

Sometimes Its Better To Keep Quite

The Creation of Man

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back.
Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry.
Then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren. And it is so.